That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
