only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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