Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
