I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
