I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
