I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
