i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
