Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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