well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He called his prostate his "boner button".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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