Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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