he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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