I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
