Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize