I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
