My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
