Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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