I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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