my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
