threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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