You just made me feel so damn special
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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