so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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