i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
