you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
