Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
