Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
