I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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