non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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