I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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