she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
