We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
