So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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