so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
