i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize