Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
