So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize