i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
