I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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