Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
