Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
