I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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