She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
