just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
