those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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