Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
