Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
