Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
