There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize