What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize