The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
