Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize