Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
