pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
