Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
