all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
worst night to have a conscience
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize