I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
