yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
this beer tastes like vomit already
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Houston, we have a blender
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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