When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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