Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
