last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
