Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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