i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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