She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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