In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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