i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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