she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
