I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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