Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize