Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
