We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
