They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
