he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
