I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
