Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
