i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
